The Gay Mother Takes 95 Years «

The Gay Mother Takes 95 Years

Friday 8th March 2019

The floral tributes poured in. There was a narrow escape though. She had planned to attend morning service in another church in the village where are our lands and grandeur are, and also incidentally the fatal mine which could wreck me yet. (Oh to get rid of it) The idea was to garner Cousin Smurry who sings in the Choir there and convey her to the picturesque harbourside birthday luncheon venue. But at the last minute the Gay Mother switched to her own Church. There was controversy that I did not accompany her. Anyway before the service, tremendous singing of Happy Birthday took place and an azalea was presented. Can you imagine if she’d not been there?

The flowers – the Gay Mother devoted the afternoon to reading the labels, positioning the Stephanositis,which is very particular as to position, and plunging the stems of the roses into boiling water. Another day we had the Ottolenghi beetroot puree concoction I’d brought from London. ‘It should have Black Onion Seeds scattered, and feta and dill and walnuts garnished,’ I explained. Somehow I’d managed to leave these elements in various other houses along the route from the Capital. ‘What do you mean Black Onion Seeds?’ the Gay Mother probed. ‘Onion seeds are black.’ So that was Ottolenghi crushed. Then we had TV: ‘Trapped’ which takes place in Iceland. It’s a crime thriller with terrible weather. The Gay Mother said her friend, Hilaria, had been to Iceland, but didn’t think much of it. This was the same Hilaria who gave the extraordinary Parma ham dinner party last year, attended by the Gay Mother. She’d been to Lidl and acquired a vast number of entire Parma hams for nothing. One of the men guests was invited to carve, which he did with difficulty. After a while of eating, one of the diners said, ‘I can’t cut this,’ and they all roared and screamed, Hilaria most of all, even though her main had collapsed entirely in a vote of no confidence from her guests. Many a hostess would have been on tablets for the rest of her life after something like that.

Cousin Lunetta has been sadly taken after nearly 4 years of total dementia. The Gay Mother said that Cousin L knew the mother of the lady who founded Quick’s Cheddar, which is now an international product. When Cousin Lavinia came over to drop off Aunt Lavinia to me to return the latter to London, we had Morning Coffee in the kitchen before setting out. Except that Cousin Lavinia preferred to have tea and the Gay Mother snatched away the mug she was about to pour into. ‘No, no, mugs are all right for coffee but for tea you have a cup and saucer. ‘ I regret to say I don’t have mugs at all in my home – except when the builders come. Miroslav had a huge collection idly left behind.

But I forgot to mention – the green hellebore. The Gay Mother came back from the garden. ‘You must go,’ she said. ‘You must see it. The green hellebore is out.’ It’s a wild flower, growing in the hedge, but right at the top of the garden, at the furthest boundary. I can’t think how she managed to get there. I had to go twice before I could see it, for it is hard to see being the same colour as the leaves.