Tuesday 12th June 2018

It was back in February. The outlook looked totally different. Angus Willis summoned me to his cott in the woods near Hastings. The menu was lamb with dried limes. Iranian. It was the same night that Genevieve Suzy refused to leave, then packed Lord Suzy and myself into the wood at dead of night to face our fate. Only by luck did we encounter no bears. There are many bears in the woods around Hastings. It’s well known. But that’s by the way. Dried Limes were the thing. There was such hope, indeed near certainty, as certain as could be, that dried limes were going to be huge, dried limes were going to be crucial for Poor Little Rich Gays in the coming season. We said so at the time. We set the course for dried limes. How could it fail?

Well, who was to know that Laura Malcolm would give a Sunday lunch in early May, a terrace lunch in sunshine? The menu: courgette fritters and beetroot fresh lime salad with yoghurt. It was quiet at first. Somehow I was compelled to re-make the beetroot salad for Glyndebourniana. Robert Nevil was actually thrilled. Unheard of. He even required the recipe. Lord Arrowby quite keen as well. I launched on my second beetroot salad with fresh lime last week when Angus Willis himself and Fergus Strachan dined. I had a packet of dried limes to show him. I’ve not forgotten dried limes. They will have their day. I’m now on my third beetroot salad with fresh lime and just a wheeny bit poisoned by it – but never mind. It’s the signature Poor Little Rich Gay dish for Summer 2018.

Strange how it started with dried limes and ended up being fresh ones.

Laura Malcolm has furthermore condemned as dull renovation of the home, which is my staple as you know. Just now I’m colour-washing a wall for the third time.

And she’s to cruise. From Thursday she’s cruising with Percival and Sydney Cruising, who have their own cruising company, as you remember. The Croatian coast is where they cruise to mark Percival Cruising’s 60th birthday and he has gifted the cruise to 6 particular friends. So it is that Laura Malcolm will board, and cruise. One of the greatest anti-cruisers of all time will cruise. The only hope for other cruisers is that they will be turned into little heaps of ash. Laura Malcolm’s no time for their limited cruising lives, drinks parties and mono-topic of other cruises they have been on. Yet, there’s a danger. You know how it is that those most completely against are the most completely converted in the end. Already she’s acquired a cruising kaftan and statement necklace. ‘I’ve been cruising,’ I said weakly. And I have, twice. ‘Yes, but this is only 67 passengers and 90 staff,’ she sniffed. ‘Is gin extra?’ I whimpered. ‘Certainly not. I think you’ll find everything is included.’

Who would have thought it, that Summer 2018 would be beetroot salad with fresh lime and cruising with no renovation of the home?

Beetroot Salad with Fresh Lime – the Poor Little Rich Gay Signature Dish for Summer 2018

Laura Malcolm’s Cruising Kaftan: Could be a Sign