Monday 4^th January 2010

I’ve been bending and straining with Sales thoughts for a week now, ever since I hurled forth from the Gay Mother’s at the crack on the 28^th and roared straight to Harrods – 240 miles without stopping.

It was supposed to be the first day of the Sale but it wasn’t.

For a while it looked as if I was going to be too dazed and road-blind to shop.

Why the Sales?  I forgot to tell you. Where’s all my money? You’ve lain awake at night in torment, I know. I must have Designer, you see. I spend about £4000 a year on frockage. Without sconti (that’s the Italian for discount) it would be £10,000.

Can’t afford it.

Besides I like to think it’s immoral to spend £450 on a knit. What about the Poor?

Why Designer?  Are you really asking that? Oh dear! Huge subject.

On the other hand, the Multis have developed a look and stuck to it. They wear their tailor-made suits even on Saturdays.  As you know, I’d already bought a suit by Nicolo Ceschi Berrini at The Library before Christmas. Only 30 per cent off.  Hideous price and now not sure if it fits. Also, it’s black, which I’ve already got. The Blond Multi was quite severe: ‘That’s why most of us spend hours at our tailors, you know.’

But I just couldn’t. Can’t bear it if it’s not Designer – or from Topshop or Zara.

The other night at Prince Dmitri’s it emerged that these hand-made suits cost seventeen hundred pounds each.  The Blond Multi has a new one built every month. Let me tell you something else. Saturday night I was at the Multis (fabulous: a truly rich, not poor or little, but rich, fashion lady there. I’ve remembered everything to tell you). The BM was wearing his bright-blue corduroy Little Lord Fauntleroy suit. On leaving I went into his dressing room to fetch my coat. Odd. The blue suit was there, on a hanger, hitched face on to the front of a chest of drawers. But he’s wearing it, I was thinking. How can it also be here?  Is it magic? Does he have other supernatural powers?

Then it dawned – he must have two made. This was the back-up, waiting in case of stains.

The cost, the cost!

But the Multis will go to Heaven, whereas I won’t. I must have it new, new, the latest look, don’t care how unsuitable – like the little dolly get-ups I’m raging for at the moment. You may remember, when Grace Monaco died tragically in 1982 there was some talk of her becoming a Saint. But the Vatican said that she’d changed her look too often, followed fashion too slavishly. On the other hand, if Her Present Majesty of England were to apply….

I was going to tell you what happened at Harrods, and Prada, and H Nicks and Joseph and Browns and Selfridges – and it’s not over yet. There are always those surprise late sale bargains, those few extra pieces there can’t be any harm in, the budget can somehow accommodate.

Or rather the credit card.

But I got derailed. Shall we try to salvage a moral? How about: you can either get a look and stick to it or follow fashion. Both ways, it will be hugely expensive, but sticking probably costs more.

Tomorrow I will try to be more organised and share my pearls re: the Sales as I should.