Wednesday 30^th December 2009

..before the whole subject goes dead. But you’ll want to know what Poor Little Rich Gays got and gave and how we managed amongst normal people, whom we tend to meet most at Christmas, and with our Gay Mothers.

Anthony Mottram suffered the raging bickering of his mother Vera and her wartime friend June, 91, in the dining room of the sheltered accommodation but June’s present, usually re-re-gifted from the charity shop, was a quiz (beginnings and endings of novels: guess which one) which gave an excellent fifteen minutes of amusement. Later the ladies watched an obscene film provided by Mottram’s brother. It was probably supposed to be high-minded. They took to reading out the sub-titles with careering gusto. ‘Fucking this’ and ‘fucking that,’ they went. Shocking.

The Multis were with the Photographer Multi’s mother (see her tree below). They gave wooden meat boards from Divertimenti at £345 each and crates of wine. Regrettably, they say, they had to cut back on presents this year. The Photographer Multi, though, took care to tear all the wrapping paper so it could not be re-used. He draws the line at…Bruce McBain received a tan brief case. He comments ‘It’s always good to try out new colours.’ Lord Arrowby has a pair of tan shoes, but he can get away with anything. Speaking of whom, he was given an entire original painting by Rufus Pitman – for his collection. This has to be the winning Poor Little Rich Gay present for this year, also with the merit of being given by one PLRG to another. I’ve no idea what it is or what it cost, but just the notion …. Robert Nevil got a pair of brandy glasses (Edinburgh Crystal: the Orrin range) from his brother-in-law who sells agricultural machinery.

I’m sorry to say that there was much subsequent clattering on the Internet to find out what had been paid for presents received. Thank God for modern tech!

The Multis and Prince Dmitri Hersov are tremendous present-givers almost all the time – how they lavish hard-back books you actually want to read (i.e. Nicky Haslam’s memoirs), beautiful bowls and vases, grand gadgets!  I had my wine-pull thing from the Multis years ago before they were Multi. It cost £70 which was more then. And I’m still using it.

In the days before my friendship was terminated, Robin Smallmeal, head of Landfill in this country (or whatever), and his partner, Simon Limpney, gave 150 presents at Christmas and employed somebody to wrap them. Average cost per pres: £100. I got a pair of very grand hand-painted French coffee cups among other things, which still ornament my home. I wonder if they’ve thrown away all the rather nice pieces of glass and so on I gave them.

What can we conclude about Poor Little Rich Gay present-giving? The unique objects, the antiques, paintings, one-off textiles and rugs are best. And cost, it must be admitted, cost. I gave the Gay Mother, along with a packet of dried figs from Planet Organic and a tin of  McCann’s Irish oatmeal, a very beautiful antique shawl which I got from Graham and Greene in Primrose Hill for £60. She astonishingly described it as a throw – I didn’t know such words were known in the country – and hurled it over the back of her sofa, where it will probably remain.

Now, my setting for Boxing Day was, by tradition, a sea-side bungalow built in 1965. Friends of the Gay Mother’s Mother, you see. Just absolutely no decor at all. I mean, there was furniture and carpets, but no decor, of any kind. I talked to an elderly gentleman about the construction of children’s buggies and his family’s former properties in Edgbaston. I felt almost good.

The Gay Mother's Christmas Tree

The Photographer Multi's Mother's Christmas Tree

Interesting Double-ended Bag given to the Gay Mother

The Multis' Christmas Wine Gifts