24th December 2009

My Christmas was nearly cancelled by Aunt Smidge and her daughter Smurry. Mother and daughter team. Live together. Mother 83, dau 60. They always do Christmas lunch. But now they’ve got a puppy. Can’t shut it up, can’t farm it out, can’t manage sprouts, bird, sauces, mash, roast therefore.

Only elevating aspect is that the puppy cost £400.

For a while it looked as if it would be just the Gay Mother and me. But in the end we’re going to the big house where Cousin Phoebe is planning duck – with a cherry sauce if she can get a really good quality cherry jam.

I’ve said it before: at Christmas the Poor Little Rich Gay is most likely to encounter normal people.

Not least as a result of being returned to their origins. Anthony Mottram and Vladimir Alexov have left the Museum/Palace Apartment in Prague. Vladimir has gained the utter simplicity of the Ukraine and Mottram is now installed in the guest room of his mother’s sheltered accommodation at Shepton Mallet. Not quite what he is used to. Tomorrow there will be a daring glass of sherry in the residents’ lounge before lunch. His mother’s war-time friend June (90) will appear with her superbly mean charity shop presents, for instance set of hankies with someone else’s initials. Often, such is her re-gifting, her offerings have been offered and rejected in previous years. Mottram mere will have a sharp word.

Speaking of gifts, I feel awful. I intended to tip and tip. I mean advise, advise. Now it’s too late. We’ll have to content ourselves this year with a full catalogue, only forthcoming after tomorrow of course,  of what Poor Little Rich Gays got and gave – which had better be enthralling. I wonder if there will be any animals, or an entire couture collection.

If you are really still shopping, I suggest: voucher for eight full-time staff for a year, photograph of tiara not yet arrived … you’ll just have to go into a shop and buy everything.

By the way, Prince Dmitri Hersov’s Porsche has a flat tyre: no replacement to be had until 29th. He goes to his Gay Mother by train.