The Joyous Agony of Christmas Cards

Saturday 19th December 2009

Lord Arrowby’s party in two hours! I hear he is to be very lithe and fitted. Anthony Mottram, the Multis, Rufus Pitman, Reginald Cresswell, the Ghanaian ceramicist, will be present. Come back tomorrow to hear all about it.

At last, at last, my cards are almost done, the car is back from the car valet, all ready to go forth on Wednesday to the Gay Mother’s. Hair and teeth have been re-thought. There is a gleam of hope. My tasks are almost at an end.

What about cards? Are you still battling with them?  I expect you are. My pearls probably come too late, but no better time to review this year’s performance and aim to improve next.

Poor Little Rich Gays either send no cards at all (very arse and grand) or they hurl out millions. Robert Nevil always used to score eighty, the Limpney/Smallmeals, of course, are unassailable at well over three hundred.

Nevertheless it’s certainly not too late to promote your volume of production, if you are a sender. Lack of truth will only hurt the baby Jesus, who has already suffered so much.

Why send? There must be virtue in a task so grinding. And melancholy too; your Christmas card list is your life, friends and relations past and present. There is nothing more. This year I thought to strike off those never seen but in the end I hadn’t the heart. The annual exchange of stiffened pictures is one small gesture against oblivion, better than nothing.

Also, since quantity is a priority, it makes no sense to reduce your list.

The immediate reward of sending is the massive snowfall on the doormat, a day or two later, of cards from people who’ve shrieked and scrabbled on getting yours: ‘We’d better send one back.’

Messages within give certain openings. ‘Forgotten but not forgiven’ can be useful. I’ve considered it for the Smallmeals but decided to be dignified. ‘Never seen but not forgotten’ might suit in other, happier circs.

The card itself?  Oh, I’ve such a confession! I got 20 for £2.99 in a box: theme, ‘Victorian Christmas’. They smelt, the card had a poverty-stricken yellow tone and there was no printed message: had to self-write. My other cards were safe and tasteful National Gallery.

Not good enough.

The Photographer Multi used to produce his own; they were a grand size with his own graphs – sensational. See example below. Sadly now the demands of 180 tenants mean the Multi can no longer manage…

There’s nothing for it. Shop-bought cards of any kind are completely out. Next year we must all self-make or have them self-made. Unique cards only.

Which means manoeuvres must start in August at the latest.

The Photographer Multi's Card for the Year 2000. It shows a House always lit thus at Christmas near the Multi Penthouse

The Photographer Multi's Card for the Year 2000. It shows a House always lit thus at Christmas near the Multi Penthouse

Get those Muffs - nasty 'Victorian Christmas' card sent by me this year

Get those Muffs - nasty 'Victorian Christmas' card sent by me this year

Posted Saturday, December 19, 2009 under Adrian Edge day by day.

17 comments

  1. Robert Nevil says:

    Alas – or perhaps not – my score is well below eighty so far this year. Might I suggest that when reciprocating for an unexpected card, using a first-class stamp is always a giveaway. Be bold: always send second class and blame the Royal Mail for ‘late’ delivery. (I suppose really snippy queens will check the postmark: serve them right.)

  2. I am of course feeling more wretched by the second, having decided to ‘experiment’ with e-cards this year….why such guilt? Is it because
    they enter into your life through a ‘work’ channel, or is it that people with have to print the buggers out, fold them and THEN stick them on their mantlepieces. It is indicitive that I have yet to send a single one…is it all too easy? No stamp licking of trudging through the cold to the letter box. I know that artists are suppose to suffer, but please will someone put me out of my misery…..

  3. ….you can tell I’m in a state, as that last entry is full of mistakes!

  4. admin says:

    What a good ideah! But what is a second class stamp?

  5. admin says:

    I’m telling, you can get through Pre-Christmas tension. Be careful of your breathing and rest after lunch

  6. Hugo Priestley says:

    Oh dear I thought there was a postal strike on as I haven’t received a single one.

  7. What an outrage! You must institute legal proceedings

  8. bobby dewey hoskins says:

    My cards have been delayed this year while I have been perfecting my summary of what I have been up to during the year – on one side of paper, which is such a good discipline I find – ONLY the essential things. The photo is ready, the summary nearly ready, so all I need to do is press the button for the address stickers to be printed … you’re so lucky all you have to do is write the link to your blog. Maybe I’ll do a blog too next year … there is a thought to mull over at Christmas.

  9. Olympia Thanakianassios says:

    In Greece Christmas late so still earlyu for careds.

  10. Do tell us what you are putting in your summary. Is your card a photograph of yourself competing with a huge vase of flowers and your signature scrawled across ?

  11. How interesting! And also tragic! When are birds inserted into ovens then? Here, the really efficient housewife has already got her bird in and her sprouts on

  12. Laura Malcolm says:

    I only send to the old and needy

  13. admin says:

    I am glad to know that that includes me!

  14. Oh, lovely Laura please include me also….

  15. admin says:

    I don’t know whether ‘old’ and ‘needy’ go together or are separate qualities

  16. Laura Malcolm says:

    separate categories, though of course the old are usually by definition also needy. Think, Venn diagram, with the Old circle heavily overlapping with the Needy circle. I love maths, wish had become mathematician

  17. Laura Malcolm says:

    Edward Sedgewick, I would love to send you a card but alas no address. Plus you are the opposite of old and needy, with your youthful fabulousness packaged in teeny weeny glamour suits (but readers, he is also tall)

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