Thursday 17th December 2009
Do you know, my Pre-Christmas Dinner on Tuesday was all right, say it myself as shouldn’t?
Which is extraordinary because I mixed up the cake in the wrong order and had no table mats four hours before the opening shot was fired.
Somehow – this is major news – I’ve ended up renouncing matching sets, but that’ll have to wait.
Will I live long enough to collect oddments?
Lady Newell’s hostess gift was a plastic headscarf for ‘Keeping Bouffants Boucy and Perms Perky’ while the Photographer Multi appeared in a sensational fox fur hat with side-flaps (£598) from Moncler. He has always loved shoes and hats. This one is about the size of that dish thing that used to be at Goon Hilly. Maybe still is. A statement hat – and I should hope so to at that price. Ed Jasper, the bed linen expert, created another sensation with his dangerous conversation. Do follow his example. He said to Elsa Hodgeman, whom he’d never met before, and who had come directly from the funeral of an ex-boyfriend, ‘Forget about him. Let’s find you a living man or would you prefer a woman?’
I do commend my menu. Now this is quite something because usually I loathe, loathe, loathe my own food. At this time of year, just remember one thing: your dishes must be light and refreshing. You’re addressing appetites wiped out by mince pies and mulled wine and Terry’s All Gold (or the Poor Little Rich Gay equivalents, whatever they are). Think Invalid, or even Hospital.
My first course was Nigella’s ‘Green Beans in Herbed Yoghurt’ on page 315 of her book Feast. ‘Herbed’ is a horrible expression. She means ‘with herbs’. But this Georgian dish (as in Russia) is always much liked. I’ve done it many times. My main was Pan-fried sea bream with green tahini and pomegranate seeds, page 145 of the Ottolenghi book. Now, this, apart from the ridic ‘pan-fried’ (what else would you fry in?) is really is outstanding and , thrilling unexpected gift, has a Christmas look – red pomegranate seeds standing in for holly berries, green herbs and white fish for snow. My pudding was the Orange Polenta Cake on page 195 of the Ottolenghi book but I left out the orange flower water. If you wanted you could substitute a little Fairy Liquid or Head and Shoulders to get the same effect.
So there you are! And cheap too! Whole thing brought in for under £100, not including wine which was largely provided by the Multis.
Now I want to hear how you are painting with food this Christmas and giving your dishes true Christmas colour. Don’t be shy. Step forward with your recipes.
But sadly last night, at Marcus Cargill’s pre-Christmas nerves got the better of me. I’m just not getting on with my cards. E-mails keep coming from John Lewis saying ‘Not too late for a bit of last minute present buying’ – but I haven’t started yet. The Photographer Multi does have rather strong opinions. He was talking about the banking crisis: all those banks should have been swilled down the sink, regulator to blame, outrageous waste of taxpaper’s money, no need for a bail out, anyone thinking otherwise off their heads etc. I was overcome. He’s awfully brainy and well-informed but opposition just not allowed. Suddenly I was raving and being rather beastly, words whirling from mouth, flying everywhere.
In the end, the subject had to be changed.
Plastic Post-Hairdressers Scarf Given by Lady Newell
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I shouldn’t worry, we’re all beastly to the ones we hold dearest at this time of the year. In my case, something to do with being dragged to Norfolk for Christmas. And I don’t even take the First Capital Connect train (did you see the photos of QE2 in First Class – though Lord knows why she bothered, at most an armrest for compensation – glaring at the paparazzi, en route to Sandringham? A PLRG must see! No luggage of course, that will be in the three Range Rovers currently somewhere on the M11, I love it!). Oh, and the Photographer Multi is spot on.
Once again I’ve missed HM’s progress! The Photographer Multi will be thrilled
Poor thing, there’s slumming it and then there’s slumming it. You can just hear the mandarins: “But Ma’am, Copenhagen. Why not take the, ahem, non-Royal train?” to which the reply comes: “Nonsense, tell the press association Charles, my second in line, is there. I’m taking the train to escape that plain Kate Middleton and her Cabin Crew mother. Now that’s a good reason for BA staff to strike.”
A happy Christmas one and all.
I suspect that you are not simply the Earl of Khartoum but an actual Royalty. Did you know that Lord Arrowby is actually George Louis Harmony Arrowby of Whipsnade?
Who was that brilliant young author who assembled several books of rather slight but heart-warming royal anecdotes? A few weeks ago, at dinner in Middle Temple, I hear that HMQ was invited to give a first ceremonial stir for the Christmas pudding mix and to pour in the brandy at the same time. Bit tricky when you’re quite so old, so she passed the spoon to the Master of Hall. After emptying an entire bottle of brandy into the mix, she seized back the spoon. “There, it’s gone all sloppy. I can stir now, ” she declared.
I believe he is called Thomas Blaikie. A very silly person indeed by all accounts; friend of Prince Dmitri Hersov who once broke off from Accounting to watch him make an appearance on The Richard and Judy Show, attracting comments from his colleagues: ‘So you have dinner with people like that , do you?’
I’ve mentioned this before.
In his defence, it might be said that all Royal anecdotes are slight – unless you are a complete bitch for everything to do with the Royal Family.
What relationship do Poor Little Rich Gays have with Royalty? I suppose we feel close to the throne but there is inevitable resentment as well. HM has many first class Poor Little Rich Gay characteristics all the same.