Thursday 7th April 2016

I’m sorry for absence but I’ve been consumed with Royal affairs. Dainty Lady TV required a 40 minute piece to camera. On Sunday I visited Winz (or Windsor) with Royston King in order to see and feel her. More of that later. Robert Nevil is in an orgy of cinema visits – tonight is a 4 hour film of an old woman recalling the heyday of Belfast – or perhaps its worst days. It will be incredibly hand-held camera and grainy and, shall we say, quiet. Despite my schedule, I’ve managed to launder, cook a Windsor farm shop chicken for Bruce McBain, my private architect – oh, and yes! Genevieve Suzy finally conquered the Ivy Grill on Tuesday so there was an emergency lunch. Yesterday I went into my drawing room after breakfast and forked for two tickets for Sunset Boulevard (only because somebody told me it was must-have). Massive amount. Then I bought an antique, from my drawing room. Then I found returns available for Nabucco with Domingo so more haemouraging of wealth. Mineral wealth hasn’t even begun yet, if it ever does. What could I have been thinking of? It’s slowly sinking in that Sunset Boulevard is Andrew Lloyd Webber, therefore unbearable. Andrew Lloyd Webber is one of the things we’re absolutely against, despite knowing the Managing Director of Andrew Lloyd Webber Inc in the 90s. I’ve got to find someone willing to go to it with me at a cost of £126. I’ve already tried Lord Arrowby but he’s dining with Lord Browne that night.

Anyway, I digress…. over Easter the Gay Mother (92) said: ‘I must try new recipes.’ So we had Mary Berry’s Foolproof butterflied lamb’s leg with preserved lemon, garlic, thyme and one or two other things. A few days later, we tried haddock with preserved lemon. Claudia said to put tomato slices. At the very moment I was saying, ‘What does this tomato add?’ the man on Masterchef was criticising the Doctor-Contestant for having no colour in his plate. He’d got honey-beige, beige, gold and veal (as a shade, but the substance – can’t remember what the food was). The judge said, ‘Where’s the colour?’ I thought: ‘No, no, no. Food doesn’t have colour at the moment. Colour’s out. Food is blond now.’

So there it is: don’t dare to put a tomato or a red pepper. Keep your food pale – beige, honey-beige, oyster, pearl, grey, dead green (as in capers). That is the palette for food this season.