Tuesday 22nd December 2015

His time is almost nigh. Several times by modern means I tried to arrange to meet Lord Arrowby at Borough Market one week ago last Saturday. Eventually I set out anyway and there he was, in the corner of the café, doing his Greta Garbo act. ‘I’m just leaving,’ he said, not quite pulling down dark glasses. ‘But I’ve just arrived. You can’t.’ He looked shattered but fabulous. Power is incredibly shattering, as we all know. The waitress loomed and was known personally to Lord Arrowby. ‘Have honey with your croissant,’ he said. ‘I suppose you were hoping to avoid me,’ I said. ‘I suppose you wanted to be alone.’ Within three minutes of this kind of carry-on the Lord was miraculously revived and grew prancing and glancing, even naughty. He described a mass rally he had addressed with the Prime Minister’s right-hand man (or one of them). He showed me a picture of himself addressing the rally. ‘Look at you,’ I said. ‘You’ve got your little prep school jail bait face on.’ ‘What’s that?’ the often solemn Lord twinkled. ‘Look at you with your little cutsy come hither face on!’ That Lord was squealing, I tell you. ‘You’re too interested in money,’ he said when less excited. ‘It’s so corrupting.’ Well, that led to me, Adrian Edge, describing the tragedy of money for certain Poor Little Rich Gays who hoped to be more loved for their lavishment of villas and gala restaurant occasions which they might have been up to a point had not other side-effects of money also been present. Lord Arrowby was a bit more pleased with me and gave comfort. ‘You’ve got other friends,’ he consoled. He meant himself, among others!  It’s true. Over 18 years, I’ve spent too much time in a certain quarter. But the Court of money is demanding and requires constant attendance or else it feels neglected and grows fractious. We left the cafe in a gale of goodbyes from staff known personally to Lord Arrowby and toured Borough Market, visiting tenants and Lord Arrowby said there was somebody nice in the kitchen shop but they weren’t there. What absolute larks we had and you won’t believe what Lord Arrowby said when I said I was a bit off my food.

Lord Arrowby on a Saturday Morning