Sunday 14th June 2015

Sadly we are once again plunged into mourning – in my case in a fashion context. More later.

I must revert to last Sunday when my garden opening for charity, now an annual fixture, took place. 12 lunched beforehand in the drawing room. There was just about room for everybody to squeeze into the tiny room which is really kept as a museum of a room. The salmon trout, weighing 1.55 kg was cooked for 35 mins at 200 C and would have been absolutely ideal at 30 mins. Still not hard and dry. Beef fillet also came off all right. So at least the summer nightmare of hard dry meats and fishes was avoided so far. The beans were far from the best but what can you do?

At 1.30pm, Lord Arrowby arrived, having refused to attend the pre-lunch for reasons unknown. Out of a small case, like Grace Monaco in ‘Rear Window’, he produced a blue silk gown by Dries van Noten and put it on. Can you believe it? High, high fashion, completely new and sensational. A billowing, floaty gown almost to the floor. Underneath, Lord Arrowby was lithe in something very sheer and clingy. He also had a little Tyrolian hat. His skin was a deep deep honey-tone. By day, this man stalks the highest corridors of power and gives talks to the PM with slides. More has come of this gown, I can tell you. You wait and see.

So the Opening began. For 4 hours, in Balenciaga and Helmut Lang myself, but growing more and more untucked, I received the Public. Suddenly, Blanche Spain was carnate in the garden (or is it incarnate?), dressed in pink-candy stripe and straw hat like a Renoir. Not seen for years since Edinburgh residence. She showered the garden with remarkable words and was gone. Genevieve Suzy’s daughter also attended and administered a fierce quiz to unsuspecting visitors. She is 7. Later she returned to the garden to make a dramatic announcement. ‘In this house,’ she declared, ‘you can drop your food on the floor but it’s still clean enough to eat. I really like this house.’ Can you imagine a greater compliment to a householder? Laura Malcolm also dropped food on the floor but thank the Lord for the self-healing power of my natural floor-covering. Poor Matt Driver was also present in his leg casket and was completely not spoken to by me. This is the experience of the differently-abled unfortunately.

At 5.30, the last of the Public had left and private guests and those of sufficient rank remained to tea. Royston King, elevated yesterday in the Honours you may have noticed, was present, along with the Head Gardener of Middleton House. Service at tea was chaotic. It emerged that I only have one small teapot.

Lord Arrowby in his Gown by Dries. So my Garden Opening was Really a Fashion Story. That’s my Head of Her Late Majesty Queen Mary being Used a Door Stop