Sunday 8th November 2009
I’ve at last put something on the ‘About’ page, so if you’re new to this site, why not look there?
Or even if you’re not.
MPs’ expenses – I’ve been threatening to hold forth for weeks and now it’s too late. Sir Christopher Kelly’s report seems finally to have knocked out the story. At last! Thank the Merciful…! But tomorrow I’m going with the Multis and Prince Dmitri to hear David Cameron speak in the City. I have to be careful what I say. I think he’s an upper class thug. But they love Mrs Thatcher. In fact she was absent this morning from the Cenotaph. Could she be à la porte de mort? Should she die, don’t forget to phone the Multis immediately and condole.
Needless to say my Poor Little Rich Gay views on the MPs’ expenses affair are impossible. Couldn’t give a damn, whole thing vastly out of proportion, sick of measly weasly British public whining on, £68,000 a wretched wage, of course they had to boost it by whatever means, the only real crime excessive patronage of John Lewis.
But that’s not the point. It’s my inside information. Poor Little Rich Gays always have inside information. I can’t let it go. I’m leaning on the feeble excuse that I’m seeing Cameron tomorrow.
My inside information is to do with him.
I’ve suddenly thought: what if Smallmeal’s at the rally? He’s supposed to have gone over to Cameron. Made a massive donation. What if great lashes of leccy whipping between Smallmeal and myself electrocute the future PM?By accident.
On the other hand, Cameron might get quite bullish. He might say to Smallmeal, ‘Now look here, Smallmeal, you silly queen, I don’t want your landfill (or whatever) money while you’re carrying on this ridiculous queenaria with poor little Adrian Edge.’
What I heard was, from a most exclusive source, in Brussels, in the think-tank via the Bank, as follows: Cameron, when the MPs’ expenses so-called scandal was at its height back in the summer, rather saw to it, was, just possibly, doing a bit of fancy work behind the scenes, to ensure that all the useless old squirearchy-type Tories, not good for party image, were the ones most richly bollocked. You remember – the one with the duck house, the one with the moat, the one with the trees (whose wife, incidentally, had lunch with the Gay Mother). While others, particularly himself, were merely scented with the lightest whiff of fart gas.
But now Sir Christopher Kelly has made a special point of banning MPs from claiming for mortgage repayments on their second homes, a practice lavishly enjoyed by Cameron.
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I hear the poor old Members are not allowed to work with and pay their own wives, but are going to have to swap them about and work with other wives. Can you ask Mr Cameron if this applies to Political Little Rich Gays’ kitchens too? Do the kitchens have to swap with each other, or could Vladimir-from-the-Ukraine (personal private assistant to Alan Duncan, let us say) swap with a Tory wife called Annabel with pearls and a quilted jacket? I think we should be told. When you are Lord Arrowby’s personal private secretary in the H of L and I am the same for my great love E.V. in the shadow cabinet in the H of C, this point of principle may well arise.
How fascinating! Yes, we must know. Could Kitchens claim that they are being forced into a pseudo-heterosexual role? I can see the High Court and the Court of Human Rights at Strasbourg stretching to the horizon and beyond.
Rufus Pitman raises an important point. And there are other aspects of the expenses affair that also affect gay Westminster. What will happen to the semi-resident population of rent boys at Dolphin Square, for example, if MPs are told they must return to their constituencies each night?
What superb inside information!
I don’t see why family members shouldn’t work for their father/mother/sister/brother as there is the technology now with video cams to film them while they’re working, and the video footage could be made publicly available like the expenses claims now are. I would love to see Mr Margaret Becket at work in the caravan or wherever.
It was marvellous when she was foreign sec and the Foreign Office spooks were furious at the lowness of having to follow that caravan about the continent on its holidays