Wednesday 23rd July 2014

I’ve gained Normandy for the annual visit. Heaven. But the Grace of Monaco film! I never knew that General de Gaulle blockaded Monaco, did you? But he did and it had to be saved. Desperate times in 1962. How to save that darling principality and delightful tax haven, with such gambling facilities as well as a Grand Prix race?  First of all, Grace of Monaco tried advancing on the barricades in Dior with a simple basket: ‘Here’s some food I thought you’d like,’ she said to the guards. Meanwhile Aristotle Onassis was closeted in a smoke-filled room with Prince Ranier and other men. Nobody was getting anywhere. General de Gaulle did not care for the tax-free facilities of Monaco and Grace was unhappy at her lack of role. She was taking lessons in Royalty (mainly deportment and carriage) from Derek Jacobi. Then she had a brain wave. So she invited General de Gaulle to the Red Cross Ball, where, in yards and yards of tulle, with chignon hairpiece and diamonds, she made a touching speech, touching any heart re: peace and sacrifice and the terrible struggle of the beloved people of Monaco. Of course, Gen de Gaulle was bewitched and immediately called off the tanks. Monaco was saved.

Frockage, jewels and ball-giving amount to something after all. I always knew it. So there.