I Take The Press Brunch and Press View of the London Art Fayre «

I Take The Press Brunch and Press View of the London Art Fayre

Sunday 19th January 2014

On behalf of Dainty Lady TV Genevieve Suzy and I gained the Press Brunch for the London Art Fair on Tuesday. This was my first Press Brunch, identical in fact to Press Breakfasts taken previously, except for the miniature bacon butties, which, although normally also a breakfast item, here must be presumed to confer Brunchhood. The Classic Press Breakfast is also issued to those taking early morning ‘curator-tours’ of exhibitions at the big museums for which they’ve paid ££££s. Who conceived this breakfast concept and where is the central brain that produces it? It would be interesting one day to find out.

The Art Fair was barely assembled. Important gallery people were still pinning up labels and oiling their Barbara Hepworths. A massively important dealer known to Genevieve was outrageous. He twanged the wires of someone else’s Barbara Hepworth (the piece was later put in a glass case) and wasn’t awfully nice about Howard Hodgkin, who is adored and known to many Poor Little Rich Gays. Indeed Robert Nevil once sat in the back of a limo with HH while he wept (HH, that is, who was having a Private View at the time). Another, who also mends the Queen’s curtains, was in charge of washing HH’s priceless collection of oriental rugs.

But the greatness of this dealer’s wares was unsurpassed.

Genevieve and I passed on to other galleries. Such gems at this Fayre, unlike all the horror at Frieze Art Fayre. At London Art Fayre you see works by 20th Century artists of the second rank (only drawings and prints by the 1st rank), many dead, of known and established value. Such discoveries and delights! Maximum price about £100,000. We were thrilled by Jenna Burlingham of Kingsclere’s offerings. Very good taste. Many pieces, highly covetable, only £8000. Do take her webbage and lick your lips: www.jennaburlingham.com.

I was digging deep at another stand for Dainty Lady TV. The scheme was to photograph the eyes of all the people in the world and project them onto a pillar on Aldeburgh beach. They’d started with Diana Quick. ‘Eyes say so much,’ a menacing witch-like character, apparently the artist, murmured. ‘If someone won’t look into your eyes there’s usually a reason for it…and not a good one.’ Crikey, I thought, that’s not quite right as Genevieve barked: ‘I’ve really got to get round this show!’ ‘Might not our viewers like to have their eyes photographed and projected on Aldeburgh Beach?’ I protested as we pounded away. ‘It’s a complete sham. You’ve got to pay £20. Viewers will be furious.’

‘Have we got to go down there?’ Genevieve cried at the prospect of yet another corridor of Art. Art is wonderful but completely shattering, perhaps because, even at this level, so much of it is rubbish.

Anyway we’d seen enough for a colour piece.

Later in the day (after an interlude, for me, in my home, viewing Tuscan villas online) we forged out for the De Chirico Exhib at the Esoterick (very hard line). Then we taxi-ed about until we pitched up at the Warehouse apartment of Fergus Strachan and Angus Willis. Angus made a Pasta Primavera out of M & S ingredients left over from a packaging shoot. Then we watched Nigella’s show on TV.