Monday 9th December 2013

It’s on Channel 4. Docu about Liberty, the London shop. ‘We get a lot of queens in here,’ says one of the queens working in Scarves. An example is Lord Arrowby who’s always managing discounts on designer frockage at the great emporium.

Truly you’ll never see such queenaria again. ‘I went to business school. I hated it,’ drawls the Managing Director with weird half-shaven head. ‘It’s a really old building. It’s like hot or damp or really cold. I hate it,’ groaned the Floor Manager with completely shaven head. ‘I really hate those cushions,’ flounced another, actually a woman desperate to keep up.

The receptionist was a dream: she’d got a Liberty print named after her. All staff do. She was planning to wrap herself in it in her coffin. That’s how she put it. Her favourite colour: black. ‘I’m quite brassy with this blond hair so I’m banking it down with black,’ she announced.