Sunday 3rd November 2013

‘Have you seen a hot blond boy lurking?’ Joshua Baring enquired at the Box Office as we went in for ‘Rush’, a film about racing car drivers. He referred to Patrick Lockyer, the sizzling lawyer in a whippy suit with exceptional hair, who’d gone missing, hadn’t turned up for the screening. In fact he was in a vital meeting, issuing injunctions etc as usual.

‘I wouldn’t describe him as exactly blond,’ I said. ‘More a deep gold.’

The previous week, Patrick Lockyer and I went to an underground cabaret given by Crispin St Lytham (he’s been in the Poor Little Rich Gay web for years: pianist to Ronnie Ronnie, in with Eve Ferret, Eddie Sedgewick: Marcus Cargill, England’s leading clock mender, his mother was Crispin’s mother’s best friend at Uni: Crispin’s mother said at Uni ‘I’ve got so much money I don’t know what to do’.  Marcus’s mother said, ‘Give some of it to me.’).  Crispin’s never worked but he’s with voice so self-hired a hall and did a medley illustrating his shattered but outstanding love life.  Recently, he said, a woman friend made a suggestion: ‘Why don’t you get a dog?’ Instead of a boy or man, you see. For most people an idea of what love ought to be and what it actually is exist in an uncomfortable parallel. That was Crispin’s vision. His show was blasting, radiant with scorching self-awareness, supreme Poor Little Rich Gay. How Poor Little Rich Gays suffer and never give up !

‘You’ll have to face it,’ Patrick said afterwards, ‘a black cardy needs to be replaced every year.’ He’s been greatly exercised since I told him I’ve been wearing my last year’s Prada black cardy round the house. The one before that, the best, with zip up the front, got the old dog look after a few months. I took to scraping it with special de-fuzzing instruments. Lady Baring, Joshua’s mother, who upholsters for that chat show man on TV, said, ‘Soon there’ll be nothing left of it.’ She was right. I de-fuzzed my cardy to oblivion’s point.

But would you believe it, the very next day after the underground cabaret, at the Designer Warehouse Sale at Thane Villas, London N7, a black silk and cashmere cardy by Jil Sander fell into my possession!

Cardy crisis over  – for another year.

As it happens Patrick Lockyer has been unlucky in love so far. Tormented by two Ryans in a row, he still loves love. ‘Don’t be sympathetic,’ Joshua Baring cries.  But last night Patrick was on another, non-Ryan date.

So there’s hope.

There’s more news of Joshua Baring – he’s rising high socially but faces his brother, Bover’s, stag weekend in Amsterdam.

No time today – I’m off to lunch with those hot cycling Poor Little Rich Gays!

Jil Sander Cardy Reduced

The Actual Cardy by Jil Sander: Too Precious to Wear