Friday 23rd August 2013

Prince Dmitri Hersov is threatening to run away because of the octopus. He is in his suite earning millions for the blue-chip accountancy firm. Laura Malcolm condemned the Angus-Willis-bought cactus fruits at luncheon. The Multis came over from their villa, the famous Il Cortile, yesterday for Angus Willis’s pizza dinner, took a simple bed and breakfast facility on La Foce estate for the night (found out from the maid that AK was here! Yes Anish Kapoor in villa for 20. Princess Margaret as well) and are doing us the great honour of staying on today for lunch and dinner, even though it’s octopus. The strapping 6′ Blond Multi, in hot fitted turquoise shorts and plunging t-shirt, is taking a conference call. There’s a drama back home with the Estates Committee. The fellow directors won’t listen to the Blond’s thrusting dynamo.

Matt Driver was obliged to return to the UK on Wednesday to reshape consumer tastes in that country. Laura Malcolm is now his Company Secretary. She mentioned that her friend in Paris, Ulbussa Famous Champagne House (that’s her name) had staffing problems: she discovered that a handyman had been wanking into her knicker drawer.

That was the end of him.

Laura came down one morning looking totally international: we all swooned at her frockage. ‘The Gap,’ she said, ‘at least 11 years old and never ironed.’ Yet she had a silhouette and was making a statement. We agreed that willpower is vital in styling of all kinds. The results are one thing but the projection behind them is the crucial element. As Diana Vreeland memo-ed to her staff at Vogue, ‘Green will be looking new in the Spring.’

And it was.

Laura Malcolm has just this minute re-joined the iron ring of willpower that is the Scrabble trio of herself, the Photo Multi and Angus Willis. The other game they play is Swabble after which Angus Willis and Fergus Strachan, who have been yoked for 20 years, have to be taken to the vets for facial re-construction. On market visits, Fergus sits on the doorstep of the macelleria reading his book, which is either about the Cosmos or Islam. He is an intellectual and likes the world to be clearly delineated. Last night he spoke of personality disorder and people who deviate from normal. But Laura Malcolm and myself did not care for normal. At lunch he said that it had taken thousands of years for us to get used to milk. Really we should be on berries and the occasional road-kill or something like that. He thinks of adopting that diet, despite living with one of England’s most famous cooks (as well as knowing Sid Id and Muriel McGlorian). I said, ‘You’ll get too thin. You’ll get stringy.’ He said, ‘I can correct that with cosmetic procedures.’ He is divinely contradictory, thank God, and the only Poor Little Rich Gay so far to have actually undergone procedures.

Sid Id, by the way, we’ve heard, has been outrageously suspected of paedophilia while out walking with his son. ‘Fortunate,’ I said, ‘that he is not also a nudist,’ because Prince Dmitri read something out of the Graph online about the rising tide of nudism.

Lordy! I’ve run on. No time to tell you about the Western Australians who lunched – a father and son, the son a friend of Prince Dmitri, the father never seen before by any of us. Anyone less likely to lunch with Poor Little Rich Gays is hard to imagine.

And Angus Willis’s cuisine! All my food at this villa has been prepared by this leading international cook. So much to tell.

We went to Pienza by the way. Boring. Tourists. We went to Montepuliciano also. Quite nice but main excitement was finding a profumeria where they had Mandorle di Sicilia by Acqua di Parma. I really am moving towards buying some. I used their test bottle (I had a sample previously from Space NK) and it lasted all day including swimming.

It’s a cloying sweet deeply controversial fume.

But we’ve had no need of art and history because of the Angus Willis cuisine in the Villa. We’ve had home art.

Montepulciano Bus Station: Here the Octopus was Bought by Angus Willis at the Market

More Sling Backs at Montepulciano Market: I Failed to Buy: Other Pairs Were Good as Well, in Brown

Angus Willis Sets Fire to my Villa: It’s Pizza Evening: the Multis Graced Our Villa for the Occasion

An Angus Willis Re-Envisioning of Italian Cuisine: Part of Yesterday’s Lunch