Tuesday 29th May 2012

Still racked: pre-JubOlympic strain. Not a thing to wear.

I want a suit in pearl grey: just the right shade. Otherwise salmon is this season’s colour. Lord Arrowby has championed it. It was also seen by the Multis on the car parking person at the Parker Something Hotel, Palm Springs.

After my weekend with Frankie-Doreen May and Giles Ullerston, and that parapet collapse at Princess Irina Hersov’s – well, Frankie-Doreen and Giles read the newspapers. They can tell you the statistics for literacy in Scotland. They’re against Austerity and the Monarchy.

The entire Poor Little Rich Gay edifice could crash to the ground at any minute. That life of earnest triviality and quiet privilege ( I say that, scratched even on the face by a rose I’ve been styling all morning: the National Gardens Scheme might inspect my garden for possible exhibition to the public! Utter hell, nothing’s ready. On top of everything else) all up in smoke.

Poor Little Rich Gays expect to be wheeled to the guillotine at any moment. We ought to be used to it. But we’re not.

There’s something else I thought of to be worry about but I can’t remember what it is.

So the Queen.

Oh, now I’ve remembered. Has there been another earthquake in Italy? What if Tuscany cracks open? Selfish thought.

But the Queen.

At the Royal Academy last week it was Kernow Hellizon, the novelist, who knew what to do. He got Harry Rollo and Rufus Pitman stationed in a particular spot (Tracey Emin was spied using the same method) and sure enough an official came up and said, ‘Her Majesty will be passing this way in a minute. Would you be happy to meet her?’  So they said, Yes. Then it was ‘Well, get rid of your glass.’ ‘Music is so important,’ Majesty said to Harry, whose performance art performances usually involve music, even if made with rocks, thereby contradicting Rufus Pitman, who had previously declared music not important. Then Majesty switched to Downton, as in Abbe Downton. How she veered is not known. I suppose Harry  was in too great a state of transfiguration to observe.

Anyway, Harry said, ‘Julian Fellowes’ and Majesty corrected: ‘Lord Fellowes.’

Oh, the Majesty of England!