Saturday 24th March 2012

You just won’t believe it. The whole Poor Little Rich Gay world is rocked to its foundations. It’s all to do with Bruce MacBain, my private architect. We’ve always wondered about him.

Meanwhile, other Poor Little Rich Gays are blazing the truer trail: they’ve been up all night booking Glyndebourniana. The public booking opened at 1 minute past midnight last night. I thought it was noon today. I thought 12.01 am meant noon. But Sebastian Archer, who once shaped world taste in words for a living, put me right – just in time.  What a narrow escape! By noon there would have been nothing left.

Comment whirled through the world: surely Poor Little Rich Gays are on the Friends List? True – I’ve thought of it. You have to pay £500. But why bother if you can book anyway? I went on at 6.am this morning and gained two tickets for The Fairy Queen at once. Sebastian Archer booked The Cunning Little Vixen at 1.30 am.

So I’m double Glyndebourniana this year!

Poor Little Rich Gays get what they want, rarely by the usual means. Private, free entrance is the dream, almost always come true.

Anyway, back to Bruce MacBain. You remember he was well-refreshed at the Blond Multi’s 50th at La Pont and nearly threw Peter Acharya in the Thames. Well, that’s not the end of it. He told me himself, last night, while we sat in a Gastro being blasted to smithereens by bellowing, toilet-talking male heterosexuals, which is ironic really.

Bruce MacBain was flirting at the Blond Multi’s 50th birthday party at La Pont.

And not with a man.

But with a concert pianist. She even said, ‘You’d better watch out. That’s my husband over there.’

Luckily she’s Argentinian and likely to give a home concert in the Multis’ wrapabout penthouse soon.

What neither of them knew, or maybe they did, was that that husband was being very carefully attended to by his dinner neighhour, Marcus Cargill,  England’s leading clock mender. Later, when many Poor Little Rich Gays became unanchored from their seats (or had fallen straight to the floor on rising), Hamish McCory, Marcus’s partner, was found to be in the vacant seat on the other side of the concert pianist’s husband, creating a pincer movement.

It’s thought he was being groomed for a threesome.

Thank God for normalcy: when you think of what Bruce MacBain was up to!

Meanwhile, I’ve had the idea of displaying russet apples flat on my trolley. I feel Angus Willis, the Hastings-based International food writer and stylist, will approve.

He, by the way, is dining Priscilla Carluccio this evening. She has crawled into the Tudor House, Hastings, for the weekend. I could have dined too, but have a dinner at home.

My New Flat Fruit Bowl