Sunday 8th January 2012

I haven’t forgotten about Lord Arrowby – I know you’re aching to know what progress was made with my fatal or not so fatal part-time love interest.

Just now, it’s all passion spent. I’m wiped out by the whole thing. Lord A in person has removed to India.

But he’ll be back.

Last night, Laura Malcolm ‘curated’ (the Photo Multi’s term) a 70s Retro dinner in her massive Bruce MacBain designed glass extension. She had a sudden wen for prawn cocktail,  baked gammon with pineapple ring, duchesse potatoes, peas and red cabbage, followed by Baked Alaska. Her frock was what the Gay Mother would call a ‘certain shade’ of turquoise, a kaftanesque creation reduced at Monsoon to £19.50 (‘I can’t think why,’ Laura said). Her husband, Matt Driver, who earns more than loathed Robin Smallmeal, head of landfill in this country or whatever, ( Matt manoeuvres the Nation’s shopping habits while it’s not looking)  had been to a vintage clothes shop and bought a Zara slim-fit 70s style shirt (so not a real vintage at all).

We drank Blue Nun and Black Tower, until the Multis arrived and we switched to Bollinger. I sat next to a hedge-fund manager (the looks and money at the dinner, and the second homes: but Laura won’t have any arse with the money, so that never got through the door). I said, ‘Have you got £50 million for my mine?’ You may not remember about my mine, but it needs 50 million – just so as you’re aware.  He seemed to know astonishingly little about the Baby Jesus but that was because he spent £100,000 on his son’s Bar Mitzvah at the Natural History Museum.

Laura Malcolm's Retro 70s Main Meal: Duchesse Potatoes Piped, Frozen Peas, Pineapple Ring