Tuesday 2^nd August 2011

As it happens I’m back from Normandy: Flint Cantor’s Shoreditch art launch dinner for 40 was last night: come back tomorrow to hear about the mysterious love-bite. Was there an outrage? Why were the waitresses six-years-old?  Was the event hacked by the News of the World? If not, why not? Huge names were there. No-one gets more publicity than Flint.

Back to Normandy where Laura Malcolm has made Poor Little Rich Gay food anew for the summer. Ottolenghi –   you won’t believe this! In fact I can’t bear to write it. So very quietly, not to be cruel… but there’s no avoiding it. This summer’s signature Poor Little Rich Gay dish is… you may recall last year, it was, en primeur, fennel shivered over the lowest flame for hours then mounted onto to sourdough crostini, closely followed by Ottolenghi’s mackerel with celery, green olive and raisin salsa with honey, quite simply the most bizarre dish ever presented to and by a Poor Little Rich Gay. Well now, Laura Malcolm offers, via Simon Hopkinson, from the Hole in the Wall Restaurant in Bath circa 1973, salmon en croute with stem ginger and sultanas and a monstrous herb butter sauce.

Yes, it’s true! We’ve kicked out Ottolenghi and gone retro. 1973 in the new new. We had this in Normandy last Thursday. On Wednesday it was Jane Grigson’s pork with plums.

So there.

Who would have thought one Norman  roasting tin containing a pastry parcel could have such a world-shattering impact!

Now, I was going to tell you about Ivy Driver, Laura’s daughter, who finished her GCSEs and at once launched into a self-arranged ‘Come Lunch with Me’. Her menu: Nigella’s moonblush tomato, mint and goat cheese salad, chicken and mushroom pie, and the 14-part orange cake pudding with pomegranate ice-cream, caramel oranges, orange caramel shards, pomegranate jus that was shown on Masterchef back in the winter and re-created by Laura herself at her February dinner.

Ivy was joint winner: the other contestants were all girls with one boy, who did tempura, never having cooked before in his life. He has trouble remembering the names of the maid/housekeepers at his Goldman Sachs funded home, so refers to them collectively as ‘the Marias’.

Greatness beckons for these young people, who can doubt.

Now there’s no time to tell you about our trip to Deauville and how Esmé’s economy upswung. I’ve got a final symphony of Ottolenghi vegetarian to prepare for 7 dining this evening.

Pray there’s no explosion at my Official home or world talent will be wiped out.

Salmon en croute from the Hole in the Wall Restaurant, Bath: This Summer's Poor Little Rich Gay Signature Dish

Its Monstrous Butter and Herb Sauce: Attractive Graph: 'Just a Scrape Left, Mr 'udson.'

Kelm Driver Self-Styles his Fromage Frais Dessert in Normandy