Wednesday 8th June 2011

My great meditation on Wotan and marriage has been delayed. It won’t come right. I’ve suffered a loss of power.

So instead, I reveal my Bath Abbey wedding outfit. On the whole I am unhinged by weddings. It appears that I imagine I am the bride, which is odd. But I’d rather have the wedding if the subsequent marriage could be foregone.

Diamonds have been sought. In fact every Countess in the land has been applied to to lend. But none have big enough masculine diamonds. Joshua Baring has worked tirelessly through the Earls’ wives for which much thanks. He is a very coming young man with fingers in every pie.

So: the final version. The stone Prada slacks have been dropped, after Lord Arrowby and Nicholas Taudevin (strangely similiar views) denounced them as chinos. Miss Portia Barker was also not keen. She mentioned Dress-Down Fridays in Venture Capital offices. Instead will be the Niccolo Ceschi Berrini pearl grey slacks (already in stock), even though they have no belt and don’t stay up so well. I can’t graph them because they’ve been held back at Jeeves of Belgravia for ironing. They were returned to the shop unironed from where they clean. The fabric has metal in it and the instructions say ‘no iron’. But the manager says they must be ironed and to hell with it. There’s a tiny danger they might rust.

The other new addition is the Dries van Noten summer scarf in cotton and silk, bought in triumph last Friday at 8.30pm at Liberty’s. 30 per cent off. So down to £108.

The other aspects will be the Topman ‘tuxedo’ jacket with sateen binding, the Paolo Pecora white shirt, also with sateen trim and a tiny grey band inside where the collar joins the main body (Val knows all the right words) and Prada glace bootees.

So it will be separates – and a summer scarf. It will be new.

The only difficulty: because the trousers don’t stay up so well, during the Wedding ceremony I will come untucked. Somehow I will have to manoeuvre the Gay Mother, so I can tuck in unseen, before we process out of the Abbey. I might resort to safety pins.  Laura Malcolm will stay, ‘No-one will be looking at you.’  To which I say, ‘Then something will be desperately wrong.’

The Final Bath Abbey Ensemble minus Pearl Grey Trousers

The Bath Abbey Ensemble - Final Version