Monday 23rd May 2011
Before I get onto the burning issues: I’ve had impeccable private information. They’ve got the wrong person. Both The Sunday Herald in Scotland and John Hemming MP have got it wrong. It’s not Ryan Giggs. As always, Poor Little Rich Gays in the know, direct line to the throbbing core of our nation.
Now: Ed Jasper and Roland Mainflower’s fridge. You must look. I dined there last Wednesday. They were bringing on some younger Poor Little Rich Gays who threatened to be far too straightforward in their choice of garden plants. Ed described in detail his bed linen routine: sheets changed every three days, boil washed, ironed to crisp glaze but why, oh why won’t cleaner fold the pillow cases four times, why only twice? Also Ed’s mother, 70, has had make-up tattooed on by a Russian on a beach in the Greece neighbourhood and is not fit to be seen. ‘It’s fading slowly,’ Roland said soothingly. He is a Jaguar-ed vet.
Mothers, as we know, are massively central in Poor Little Rich Gay life: usually they started it all, then they are to be out-done.
Last Thursday Angus Willis, international food writer and stylist, launched his summer ice-creams, set to be the Poor Little Rich Gay signature serving for Summer 2011, following the fennel crostini of last summer.
The flavours are:
Rose Petal and Turkish Delight
Fig and Honey
Pistachio Ripple
Cardamom, Coffee and Chocolate
Fresh Spearmint
All are outstanding but the Fresh Spearmint is completely new.
Ed Jasper and Roland Mainflower's Double-Fronted Fridge-Freezer: Top Shelf on Right Goes Up and Down Electronically
Angus Willis's Utterly New Ice-Creams: Signature Summer Dishes for Poor Little Rich Gays This Year: The Fresh Spearmint is the Green One
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I expect that every footballer has taken out a superinjunction. We must remember that these men are trained animals whose success depends on their prime physical condition. It should come as no surprise that they rut indiscriminately, least of all to the wags who signed up to them.
They get the shopping and day-time TV career. If infidelities bring tabloid front-page, that is good. On the whole, they should read ‘Poor Little Rich Gays’: the boon companion of your heart is also your direst enemy. That’s how it is.
I must say that it is good to see an MP do something useful for a change – three little cheers for the one who told us it was Ryan Giggs. By the way Ryan clearly wasn’t listening when long suffering Jane Clarke once said, when asked to comment on the stories in the tabloids about her husband’s affair with a judge’s wife and two daughters: ‘Quite frankly, if you bed people I call ‘below-stairs class’ they go to the papers, don’t they?’. Well, quite …
She’d got the right idea – that Jane Clarke! I wonder what became of her. Is she still with?