Thursday 31^st March 2011

It started in a small way. You remember those chestnut brown Prada slacks I bought at Christmas in the sale, left in the shop for alteration, then forgot about? Well, after retrieving and wearing four times, a few bobbles appeared in the thigh area. So down they went to the drawing room (where mending takes place) for the lumps to be pushed back into the fabric with a needle.

But within a few days I had the following on my hands:

• Black Balenciaga slacks (reduced from £450) ripped from the occupant (me) climbing over a railing to get to Plant Organic. I had also sat in some Blu-Tac
• Herringbone Paul and Joe trews – three risotto grains fell on: stained
• Honey-beige Margiela – arse seam split

Can you imagine my disquiet and sense of menace?

Those Balenciaga are going straight back to H. Nicks, to from whence they came. Shoddy, absolutely second-rate and criminal – that they should rip from normal behaviour such as heaving over a fence.

Am looking forward to the scene.

Ripped Balenciaga

Martin Margiela - arse seam ripped

Prada Chestnut Brown Slacks - Bobble

Prada Chestnut Brown - General View

Paul and Joe Herringbone - Risotto Stain