Friday 7^th August 2009

 To Bruno with Robert Nevil. I remembered that he is a friend just in time. I am prim. This is the fate of the frivol. I couldn’t bear Borat – agony of embarrassment and boredom. But I was looking forward to Bruno.  Fashion; screaming queens – perfect for me. There was a very funny Bruno incident on TV once. He tricked some unfortunate assistant of Carolina Herrera into discussing earnestly the non-existent sea theme of the designer’s latest collection. Eventually Carolina Herrera herself appeared: ‘What about the sea-theme?’ Bruno shrieked. ‘There ain’t no sea theme,’ the grand dame growled, incidentally supplying the perfect punch-line.

 By the time Baron Cohen made the film, the fashion industry had been warned. The only people who hadn’t heard of Bruno, it would seem, were the witless, naive, backward inhabitants of Middle America. So Bruno is really Borat all over again. At times it was just too cruel, as when desperate show-biz moms agree that their children could be crucified or exposed to dangerous chemicals if it would get them the part. Many of the scenes ended in the same way with Bruno’s victims getting furious and Bruno having to run away – not wildly funny. And I do rather know that the Mid-West is – how shall I say? – well, not very waxed, not much pouring over paint charts or fabric samples, and abounds with guns which are likely to be turned on any male found doing any of these things. I wouldn’t go there myself. Why not come to London and be a poor little rich gay?

 So I didn’t take Bruno as well as I might. It did not lift my spirits or perhaps because of my poor spirits I was not lifted. Robert Nevil, on the other hand, was much freer and less grim. He was thrilled with it from start to finish.  I did like the early bit where Bruno had a boyfriend who was a ludicrous Asian child-lookalike subjected to every kind of anal punishment, mechanical and otherwise, by way of a sex life. This was good satire; in other words just a little bit spot-on. Gays are keen on: younger boyfriends, possibly kept, and anonymous performance sex. If you can combine the two – have anonymous ritualistic sex with a ‘barely legal’ lover – this is ideal. Straights might like this too, but rarely have the opportunities open to gays – or do they?

 Robert Nevil tells that there have been complaints that Bruno re-inforces gay stereotypes. Well, it does but so what?  Only a moronic straight from Swindon would mistake a gorgeous manly gay like Lord Mandelbaum for Bruno. Anyway I rather like stereotypes. At least you know where you are.

 Afterwards we go to Chinese restaurant in Gerrard Street (that’s Chinatown in London – just the one street really). This is all right when no-one is looking. You can’t go to the Ivy all the time (but I will be going there soon – when the season re-opens in September. Just you wait and see!). A drawback of being even a little bit rich is the anxiety that the money might run out. So you have to save and cut-back when there is the opportunity. In order to build up reserves.

 But we do choose the smartest Chinese with the shiny black stone lining. I don’t know its name. It’s awfully well-known. It’s been reviewed everywhere. Rufus Pitman told me about it. Over dinner I bore Robert Nevil with talk of re-lay-hion-ships (as Philip Larkin put it). He is a fragile poor little rich gay at the best of times. Now he is reduced to pile of grey ash and has to be taken home in an urn (later he revives). I long to achieve the perfect blend of comedy and tragedy that you see in Chekov’s plays (except Ivanov – what a relief when he suicides!).

 Is that how you spell Chekov? There are  prob. several ways.

 The bill for the Chinese was £70!  But Robert Nevil got half-price cinema tickets – so whole evening cost £40 not including bus fare (don’t tell the Multis).