Saturday 11^th December 2010

Poor Little Rich Gays are absolutely at full gallop. Even Lord Arrowby is out every night, to be sure, that superb governmental thoroughbred. We’re running up to Christmas. The final jump, 15 feet of brushwood with a water feature on the other side, actual Christmas Day itself, we will take with excellent grace, surely.

This morning I eschewed Lord Arrowby, my part-time love interest, who would have been at old Borough Market in his Saturday slap – special Designer specs, tons of Boots bronzer and a raunchy plastic puffer jacket by Dolce e Gabbana.

If you don’t know, Borough Market, in London’s central, was the place for high, high produce.

But now, New Borough Market has swept in. The Multis have been heralding it for some time. Maltby Street, Druid Street, more in the Bermondsey direction, not known to the general. Rare and specialised.

You must have it.

The Multis were there this morning, the Blond in a glamorous wide-brimmed hat.  He bought me a coffee in the Monmouth Coffee House (the Photo Multi said: ‘This is the absolute headquarters, only open on Saturdays’). At the counter I said, ‘I’ll have the same kind of coffee as the Photo Multi’s got.’ Multi means multi-millionaire, by the way.  The Blond Multi said to the server: ‘What did the Photo Multi have?’ ‘An expresso,’ the man said firmly. ‘I don’t think so,’ said the Blond. It turned out the Photo Multi was being confused with Nigel Slater.

Nigel Slater had been sitting right next to the Multis but they hadn’t even noticed.

In St John Bread  (yes, all part of St John Squirrel and Eel Restaurant) the Blond Multi said, ‘What’s your best price on the Christmas puddings?’ They reeled. ‘£30. It’s a lot! What makes them worth £30?’ he continued. Back in Monmouth I had failed to spend £19 on a selection of specialised choc from different countries for the Gay Mother.

Last night, at Peter Acharya and Ned Czernowski’s Christmas party, Bruce MacBain, my architect, said, ‘Some decorators don’t paint round light switches so well,’ then cast a dark look in my direction.

We also met some gays from Norwich whom Peter and Ned had encountered on an Atlantis Gay Cruise – Venice to Mykonos and back (I think). They said Norwich was a long way from London.

New Borough Market

New Borough Market

Coffee with Leaf-pattern at Monmouth Coffee Headquarters, New Borough Market