Wednesday 15th September 2010

I’ve been thinking – does he belong? George Michael, I mean, who has been confined to basic decor for driving  into the Hampstead branch of Snappy Snaps while high or low or both.

And is this a first? Is GM the first Poor Little Rich Gay, if that is what he is, to be housed in this manner, with toilet in the living area? Quite a few PLRGs hover on the borders of legality, have been known to telephone from call boxes to newspapers with insider information,  but that’s another matter.

He is, of course, in a number of ways, just a weensy bit common.

I turned to the Daily Mail for guidance.  ‘Wake up call,’ it went, ‘habit of cruising…trolley dolly boyfriend humiliated…emerged from some bushes….will probably make a joke of it….. next video will be glitzy prison scene….appallingly selfish behaviour… stoned for 15 hours a day…. cheeky grin… trolley dolly boyfriend humiliated…law unto himself…wake up call…..’

I began to wonder and feel drawn.  We can’t have the Daily Mail carrying on like this.Snappy Snaps, for a start – surely asking to be driven into. And it was the Hampstead branch.

No, I think Utter Glory, immediate special appointment to the Poor Little Rich Gays; most of the Hets would be off in the bushes given the chance. Hypocrites. ‘I gave Kenny (that’s the trolley dolly) a million pounds for our anniversary, so he can hardly complain about what I get up to….’ Brazen public statements, agreeable level of nonsense, probably a tease, two fingers up really, but they don’t notice. Making the best of the muck, subsuming it into video…

I’m going straight round to Pentonville Prison. It’s only a few streets away from my Official Home, you know. I’ll hand a note in: ‘Stop sobbing in your cell, George Michael; you’re a Poor Little Rich Gay now.’