Sunday 23^rd May 2010

I’m in Bath, which, if you don’t know, is a very nice small Georgian town in England’s west only lived in by nice people.

I’m with hets. It is a relief. This sudden onslaught of hot weather has brought on a wardrobe crisis. I was taken by surprise. Summer clothes not ready, not de-bagged, ironed, or even bought. As you know, I’m dead against rushing into summer clothes the first fine day in April but 24 hours’ warning at least would have been helpful, which is the time is takes to bag up winter frockage (which should be put away clean of course, otherwise moths…..) and bring out the summer.

But with hets, no need to worry about clothes.

Now I must dash back to London and the thrills and torment of Poor Little Rich Gay life. Chelsea Flower Show on Wednesday: Frankie-Doreen Gunn, Aunt Lavinia and Pavel Marincek, boyfriend of Anthony Mottram 1996 to 2003, keen gardener, coming over from Prague. Tonight I dine at the centre of things, with a nightmare television personality involved in coverage of the show.

But refreshed after this heterosexual interlude. I was stranded in the downstairs shower without my conditioner. There was nothing to hand but a range of Adidas washing items. Their dishwasher hasn’t been draining properly so we’ve been wrenching to get it out from under the worksurface. Then, I , Adrian Edge, was stationed out of doors by the waste pipe to check the flow. It was like the time at Massivebury when the kitchen outlet got blocked with carrot peelings. Smallmeal, head of land-fill in this country (ought to have known better) or whatever, was ready to send for a team of specialists on a Sunday. I went outside and pulled all the carrot out of the end of the pipe where it came out of the wall of Massivebury. Smallmeal and his partner, Limpney, would never have thought of anything so ungrand. It is said they employ someone to change their lightbulbs.

Poor Little Rich Gays can choose a completely non-DIY path but the effect of a really grand queen unblocking a drain might be spectacular. Poorer Poor Little Rich Gays nip up step-ladders etc when nobody is looking.

I’ve also been, while in Bath, to a garden centre. This was unnecessary. I did try to get my het friends to take an interest in some rare plants only available in Colchester – not that far to go surely. Only a day’s drive. But they wanted trailing petunias.