Friday 13th October 2023

It was important to see how the Rich are getting along. Frieze Art Fayre in 2021 – there was an attempt to de-face those attending, without success. But the state of the Rich was masked all the same.

In 2022 I did not attend.

The other theme was: how could we know we were at the true VIP event? Horrid rumours swirled of another event the night before.

Royston King had already scored George Osborne before I teamed with him: ‘I told him: “Your leadership is excellent…. you’re doing a marvellous job….and how many works were lost?” … He said, “2000”. ‘

‘But George Osborne’s my relation,’ I cried. Royston not amused. ‘You praise and then they love you so much it all pours out,’ he explained.

I’d already encountered Joshua Baring in the road outside the Fayre. He’d been in since 11. Slight worry because our tickets were Admission 2pm. What could that mean?

The Rich are in a terrible state. In the gathering area of Frieze Art Fayre, they were screaming. And the look was: just tumbled out of the washing machine or not even ready to leave the bedroom. Dog-earred, grubby at the edges, great sacks of horror. Not a look at all really. Just given up.. nothing left to live for.

Later I saw a woman who was at least finished, in a prim all-white shirt-waister, rigidly pleated, broad pleats, A-line, winged at the shoulders. The whole effect – fantasy hospital nurse crossed with nun.

I scored Lord Arrowby – in a marina ensemble… Royston said that Lord Arrowby didn’t trump George Osborne. Who else did we score? There was somebody with a jaw we both couldn’t place. Maddening.

Lord Arrowby said John Aspinall did not plunge Lord Lucan to the bottom of the English Channel. John Aspinall came up because George Osborne’s grandmother, who was my grandmother’s 1st cousin, was also the mother of John Aspinall.

I curtseyed to the Andy Warhol of her.

It was getting severely barren. When suddenly Royston bellowed, ‘Eduardo!’ Two small people rather startled… ‘Chelsea Flower Show… ‘Royston boomed. ‘How’s the Cotswold garden?’  Royston remembered to bow and the correct form of address: ‘Your Royal Highness, this is Adrian Edge.’

I was presented at Court. There’s no denying me now. Can you imagine?  – at the vital moment I forgot to curtsey..

In the presence… her granddaughter… the direct line to the Conqueror… these Isles and all our history.

She was honed. Instantly took command. The skill in ending the audience. All learned from her for sure. But human. The Cotswold garden is mood boards at the moment. ‘The sculpture,’ she said, referring to the outdoor display in the Park for Frieze. Classic Royal minimal, but saying everything.  ‘No, it’s my sister who works for a gallery.’

Astonishing … so human. Royston thought she was the other one, Princess Eugenie, it emerged.

After that, we gained Frieze Masters. Oh that 15 walk between the two.  Will it ever shorten?

There, Lord Browne of Benninglow – ‘May I introduce Lord Browne of Benninglow…’ Royston goes. So charming. He said Frieze Masters was busy. His weekend home is in Venice. His youthful companion was glowing with wealth and power.

Lord Arrowby again. He condemned John Minton, Christopher Wood and Keith Vaughan as not very good and letting Gays down.

But oh golden –  George Osborne, cornered this time. No escape from How we are Related. Royston furious. ‘Our grandmother’s were 1st cousins,’ I shrieked. ‘It’s not remote.’ Full explanation given and I was welcomed as a new cousin by George Osborne.

‘You didn’t say who you are?’ Royston reprimanded.

‘The Landed Gentry aren’t forward,’ I said. ‘We never say who we are.’

Royston wanted to retire for comfort or ‘opportunity to tidy’ as it says on Royal Schedules. But he didn’t come back. I collapsed in front of a Canaletto. Still he didn’t come back. Then I thought: I know how to find him, he’s bound to booming somewhere. Sure enough, from ten metres I could hear him. Philip Mould, this time, looking shattered after all-day on feet on stand at Frieze Masters.

But great news… Philip Mould confirmed. This was the true VIP event… last night had been… less mentionable.

Philip Mould’s got an Inter-racial painting. He’s sure it’s the earliest known. Cost him a lot of money at Christie’s last year. Provenance: the American Museum at Bath. The idea is it should be bought by America – since it is an American picture. Philip Mould’s been planning this all year. No doubt Fiona Bruce has been consulted. But Royston said, No, the National Portrait Gallery must have it. That’s where I want to see it. Philip Mould too shattered to resist..

By the way, there’s Art for sale at Main Frieze and Frieze Masters. Main Frieze, the art – utter, ghastly drear.