Tuesday 4th May 2010
There’s nothing for it – I’m going to have to vote. You can’t just not.
What to do? What to do?
Poor Little Rich Gays like to glint and prance. Terrible to be pinned down. Do you know a poet called T.S.Eliot? Awful grim home-life, boiled, grey dinners, basement dining room in South Kensington. Well, he wrote a poem usually referred to as ‘Prufrock’. It’s a monologue of a rather nothing little man. But he did quite refuse to be ‘formulated on a pin.’
On the other hand, to endlessly evade and flit and work the fan…
Fergus Strachan, partner of Angus Willis, the cookery writer, himself lawyer and botox enthusiast, is a Lib Dem. He was interviewed on the Today Programme yesterday by Sir Wilfred Self. Lib Dem, Fergus said, combines ‘most beautifully’ freedom and equality. That is the freedom to lawyer in Lincoln’s Inn, take mini-breaks in country house hotels in Norfolk and longer breaks in South Africa with cosmetic procedures thrown in. Nothing wrong with that.
But what about the ‘equality’ bit? I fear the Lib Dems. Will they not tax and level and turn us grey?
Nation of small silver car-owners
On Friday last I sought enlightenment at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, long-established, ‘alternative’ gay venue, shabby red plush, something of a throwback. It was Queer Question Time with our own adorable Rufus Pitman, that dull policeman who was on ‘I’m a Celebrity’, Shelley Cooper, Linda Bellos and Darren Johnson MEP. Lord Arrowby, running the country in the absence of ministers during the election campaign now more than ever, amazingly was present, in tight, tight frockage. He looked tired but ‘to airy thinness beat’ by work. I mean refined, beautified…
We had to write our questions on cards beforehand. Mine was: ‘What should be the minimum wage for a Poor Little Rich Gay and how is the new government to guarantee it?’ But once the discussion began, mounting dread that it would be chosen and I would have to stand up and speak it. And be torn limb from limb… Wouldn’t have done at all. Especially in my Prada mac. Two of the panel were sledgehammers greatly preoccupied with injustice to the trans-gendered; one of the sledgehammers as good as said all gays should be socialists. Poor Rufus Pitman, looking alarmed and kindly, the only voice of reason and indeed information; humour and irony razed all around.
Lord Arrowby, in touch throughout by text with the highest corridors of power, muttered: ‘What about crime against Poor Little Rich Gays: stealing their I Phones.’ Afterwards in the street, he was skipping about and squealing with delight: ‘That was Lorraine Chase in there. I met her. I met Lorraine Chase. She can come to my party.’
Do you remember Lorraine Chase? She was that model in the 70s who looked dead classy but when she opened her mouth turned out to be cockney.
It really was her, too.
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The great advantage of having a postal vote (apart from not having to meet your simply frightful fellow-constituents at the polling booth) is that you cut short the tiresome, over-excited run-up to the Election by at least a week. ‘No use banging on my front door,’ you can say to anyone still desperately soliciting your Gay Vote. ‘TOO LATE!’ Dinner-party conversations among the garrulously indecisive can also be brought to a welcome halt: ‘Well of course I’ve already cast my vote.’
And remember to encourage everyone you know to go to Election Night parties. This will leave the restaurants delightfully empty for those of us who will be spending the evening watching the new Todd Solondz film rather than dreary politicians on tv.
Is postal voting superior service as liked by Poor Little Rich Gays? Equivalent to priority boarding on Easy Jet
Surely with your frequently voiced views on inheritance tax there is only one choice for the Edge vote. There is a great deal of posturing and evasion about voting intentions, don’t you find? Have been rather put off Lib Dems by monstrous roster of celebrity endorsements. Can one really be seen to be swayed by Daniel Radcliffe?
Freedom and equality. Ask Strachan where is the quality, and tell Arrowby that arbeit macht freiheit. Stop wasting time and vote right vote Conservative!!
Just googled my name and was directed to your website. Please come to Shoreditch High Street and have coffee sometime:
http://www.thecafehunter.co.uk/2010/02/prufrock-coffee_16.html
and you can buy men’s clothes too as we’re in a clothes shop
PF
Hello Prue Frockage and well done with your name! You can’t go wrong with it
But Lord Arrowby is above party politics. If they abolish the Queen he will be prime candidate for President and we can all come on State Visits to our own country and put up in the Belgian Suite at Buck Pal
It’s all so bland now, there’s only £300,000 or perhaps £400,000 between Lab and Con as far as Inheritance Tax concerned, which is a sum one feels one should rise above.
Well, the nation has spoken and plainly not listened to me. When will people realise that voting Conservative is so unspeakably vulgar?
But the Tories have changed. The trouble is Poor Little Gay Rich Gays owe them rather a lot in one way and another