{"id":588,"date":"2009-10-25T22:43:43","date_gmt":"2009-10-25T22:43:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/?p=588"},"modified":"2009-10-25T23:00:55","modified_gmt":"2009-10-25T23:00:55","slug":"the-problem-posed-by-sight-seeing-and-how-we-solve-it-in-madrid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/?p=588","title":{"rendered":"The Problem Posed by Sight-seeing and How We Solve It in Madrid"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sunday 25th<\/sup> October 2009<\/p>\n

Madrid. Our hotel is not of absorbing interest. The Gay Mother and I have had to create other diversions. Just across the road from here is the Prado. Well, it\u2019s almost Prada, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s a picture museum. Do you know it?<\/p>\n

For Poor Little Rich Gays, museums are a challenge: nothing is for sale and they don\u2019t even put the value on the labels. What\u2019s more, we are artists of our own lives; with money and other resources, we shape and render and make ourselves other than what we would otherwise be. So all the things in museums are competition.<\/p>\n

Back in the summer, when I was in Tuscany and went to Arezzo to see the frescoes of Piero della Francesca, I don\u2019t think I brought this out as much as I should. It must have been the heat. How long ago the summer seems now! But one is much crisper in the autumn.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the Gay Mother and I forge into the Prado regardless. Fortunately she has grasped the first principle of PLRG museum visiting. We look at three or four huge rooms of Velasquez \u2013 he\u2019s a Spanish painter of the 17th<\/sup> century, if you don\u2019t know. \u2018That\u2019s it,\u2019 she says. \u2018I\u2019ve had enough.\u2019 No earnest slogging round. \u00a0Heaven forbid – no guided tour<\/em>!\u00a0 One hour max.<\/p>\n

Sebastian Archer, of whom we\u2019ve heard little, the partner of Robert Nevil and first class, high spending Poor Little Rich Gay, long ago laid down firm rules: 45 mins for a museum, 30 mins for a Stately Home, 20 mins for a garden.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the speed-dating principle. And quite grand, don\u2019t you think, as an attitude?<\/p>\n

Also, to reduce further any feeling of being held to ransom by the museum, behave as you would at H Nicks or equivalent. In other words, when shopping, you have your catalogue of loathed designers you don\u2019t go anywhere near \u2013 in my case, Versace (vulgar, vulgar, vulgar) and Issey Miyake (dull, dull, dull, for men, at any rate. Women \u2013 do you really want to look like an accordion?) ? Well, it\u2019s just the same with museums. Arrive with pre-prepared list of struck-off artists. At the Prado, you won\u2019t want to have anything to do with Murillo (ghastly religious kitsch) and another Spanish artist called something like Ribena \u2013 can\u2019t quite remember what\u2019s wrong with him, but he\u2019s frightful.<\/p>\n

Anthony Mottram, with whom I\u2019ve been bickering for the last 40 years, since schooldays, once devised a system for categorising artworks, which you might like to apply. They are either boiling, stewing or frying, boiling being the worst. Oh the boiling primmies (that\u2019s primitive paintings ) we ached before when young.<\/p>\n

In these ways, you can make your own mark on any museum.<\/p>\n

On the whole the Gay Mother was superb in the Prado. She only likes the best and won\u2019t have anything swirly or drippy. But she would<\/em> admire a dubious Guido Reni. And went so far as to buy a postcard of it. The Gay Mother and postcards, and the posting thereof \u2013 I digress but she can spend forty minutes choosing and another hour seeking a post box that looks trustworthy. In foreign that is.<\/p>\n

But, look, those paintings by Velasquez \u2013 they\u2019re absolute fillet steak. You really do have to make an exception. Mostly very plain and even unpleasant-looking people, but rendered sumptuous by art.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been back twice to the Prado and we went to Segovia, which is a small town outside Madrid. The Gay Mother was there in 1955, had suckling pig and wished to re-visit. In the cathedral there is some fabulous junk and we saw Jesus in a skirt.<\/p>\n

\"Christ's

Christ's Skirts Do Not Quite Achieve Full Daintiness at Segovia<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Christ

Christ Suffering from Moronism at Segovia<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sunday 25th October 2009 Madrid. Our hotel is not of absorbing interest. The Gay Mother and I have had to create other diversions. Just across the road from here is the Prado. Well, it\u2019s almost Prada, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s a picture museum. Do you know it? For Poor Little Rich Gays, museums are a challenge: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adrain-edge"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=588"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":591,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588\/revisions\/591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/poorlittlerichgays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}